I JUST CLICKED TO MY JOURNAL ARCHIVES. I CLICKED ON A VERY OLD DATE AND LOL AND BEHOLD THIS IS THE ENTRY THAT I CHOSE. INTERESTING THAT A YEAR LATER THIS IS STILL A BATTLE.

I share this with you to remind you not to give up and to remind myself of the very same thing. I look forward to the day when I can celebrate God's healing in this area. However, unlike my previous miracle "rat story", there are some major changes I need to make personally. I must put God in First Place, right where He belongs.

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After my last "clobber" the three C's entry, this is going to seem very counter productive. But, hey, what's a blog for? To express yourself...the good, the bad, the ugly. Yes, in the end, I will find a spiritual message, because I belong to God, and He seems to show up. Thank goodness!

So, why did He have to make such good food?

Why is it sometimes so hard to resist? In all honesty, food is one of my major struggles. I grew up thin, but when I was younger, I truly believed I was huge. My self-perception was extremely distorted for a number of reasons that I won't explain now. It would take too long!

In high school, I acted cool, cocky, and thought I was the cat's meow. Now granted, I was pretty "hot" back then, but deep inside, if I'd really gotten "real" with myself, I always felt less than, not as pretty as, and, I was always striving to look like, act like, and "be" somebody else. Back then, food was my enemy. I had an eating disorder. If I gained five pounds, I'd go nuts. I'd put myself on some starvation diet, or take non-prescribed "diet aids" (not mentioning any names) to lose weight. Once my weight had returned to where I thought it belonged, I was semi-satisfied...until next time.

Next, in my twenties, I began a cycle of "letting go" of my wild life, which led me to turn more to food for comfort. The result, well, it's no shocker. I gained weight. Overtime, I grew extremely heavy, then, to add to my physical misery, I got pregnant. That first pregnancy added close to 100 pounds to my thankfully tall frame. My son was born weighing in at a whopping 10 pounds, 12 1/2 ounces. Ouch! No, I didn't have a c-section. Yes, it was difficult to sit down for weeks.

Well, over the past 10 plus years, I've done the whole yo-yo dieting thing. I trust God for a minute, then I snatch my snacks back. I start out ready to excercise, and I give up because it hurts, and I'm too busy, after all. Not to busy to lift that fork and spoon!

Although I make jokes about it, and am pretty comfortable in my own skin these days, I know God has something better for me. My body is a temple of His Holy Spirit. Too much of anything can lead to overindulgence and idolatry. It's embarrassing to admit I've made food and eating idols in my life. What makes it even more challenging is I've had so many women come up to me after I've spoken at a conference, or retreat, and shared how pleased they were to have a "real" woman share with them. Now, they are referring partly to my transparent, humerous, and open nature. I am a very transparent person. However, I've been told that my weight made them feel "comfortable." They saw me as the fun lady next door that God was using. It proved to them He could use us "as is." In other words, my obvious imperfections gave them hope.

HOWEVER, although God can certainly use me as a larger lady, and thank goodness He does, I know that I was not created to cart this extra weight around. Because of a bad knee, which my weight has only antagonized, I simply can't drop to my knees in worship. I'd get stuck, and probably injure myself even more! That's a form of captivity. I'm not free to worship my God as I desire. And although many women can relate to me and are comforted by my size and demeanor, can you imagine the hope and inspiration, a slimmer, healthier me would bring? I can. God has used my miraculous healings from drug addiction, smoking, and destructive/abusive relationships all as tools to draw others to His grace and glory. He will use my eventual deliverance from overeating to minister to others as well.

My sin of gluttony (and that's what it really is -- a sin) is an act of disobedience. There are times (many times) when I'm down in the dumps when I turn to food for relief rather than to my Heavenly Father. I'm using a sappy sinful substitue to fill my hungry heart. Food, like any other false fill-up, only satisfies momentarily. Then we're left hungry for more. It becomes a vicious, and painful cycle that without God's help can turn into a prison cell of despair.

At this point in my ministry and writing career, I have some very exciting things going on. I truly believe God is calling me to the next level of freedom in Him. Only as I am willing to release anything and everything that I use as a replacement to His love, can He fully use me as His chosen vessel.

Am I still His Princess Warrior? Absolutely. Will He continue to use me "as is"? I suspect so. Does He want the best for me? You bet He does. He wants the best for all of us -- that means you, too!

I remember one time reading in a Max Lucado book that God loves us just the way we are, but He loves us far too much to leave us that way. In otherwords, this side of eternity, we are all still works in progress. There is always something more we can surrender to our Lord.

So, is food an issue for you? If not, I bet you have your own false fill-ups and sappy substitutes that you, too, exchange for God's love. We all do. Thankfully, God won't rest until we release those useless things to Him once and for all.

I don't know about you, but I'm tired of giving the devil a reason to celebrate. Everytime I choose to eat rather than pray when I'm hurting or angry, he wins. I'm ready to stand up and fight. As a Princess Warrior, belonging to the King of the Universe, I am free indeed. So are you! Isn't it time we start living like it?

Dear Heavenly Father,

I have continued to use food as a means to comfort and fill my soul. This sin keeps me from experiencing all that You have for me. I'm tired of giving in to this temptation. You give us delicious food to nourish our bodies, not to fill our hearts. Please forgive me for making food and eating idols in my life. Give me the strength to resist the pull to eat when I'm not hungry, and to continue eating when I'm already full. America as a whole has become a gulttonous nation. Forgive us for reaching for anything and everyting but You. May we turn to You alone for our fullfillment., for You alone can fill our hungry hearts. Thank you Jesus for Your love. May I turn to You now and always as the only true"food" for my spirit. In Jesus' Name, I pray. Amen!

Miracles come in all shapes and forms. I believe our amazing God does things that we can only dream of.

In our family, we pray about, well, everything. Even things that might seem quite odd. Our most recent prayer resulted in yet another miracle.

First, let me share what a family acquaintance said about our answered prayer -- "Oh come on, Carol. God doesn't care about rats. He might heal a person, but really ...   Chuckle. Scoff. Giggle. Then she gave me that you're so crazy, stupid, and naive look. I hate it when someone looks at me like that. Don't you?

Anyway, I'll tell you the story and you can decide if I'm nuts or not.

I think I've mentioned that we have a number of animal friends residing in our home. Cats and rodents. Yes, two supposed arch enemies live semi-peacefully together with us. I think us humans actually have more disagreements than the furry fellows. Okay, I'll get to the point ...

Our rat, Frisky, who is over two now (getting up there for rats) developed this humongous, hard, ball on the side of her jaw and neck. She looked like a chipmunk carrying a baseball in its pouch.

Of course, I panicked. I called the vet and discovered it would be almost sixty dollars for the office visit alone. I'm sorry, but I simply cannot affort that cost if there is some home-treatment available. Thankfully, the Internet is very useful for times like these. I researched and discovered that my little Frisky most likely was sporting an abscess.

Last week, my daughter and I spent hours just holding our furry friend and applying hot packs (as suggested by the online rodent experts) and praying. I know God cares when our children care deeply for something, even a pet. The Bible, after all, mentions that God cares for the sparrows and lilies of the fields. Although mankind is number one on his list, God loves His creation.

The next afternoon, we noted that the abscess appeared to have drained and a scab and quite disturbing odor (infection draining) remained. Ick! And Frisky again was frisky. No more lounging around in a daze.

There's more, though. I returned from work on Thurday evening to hear my daughter crying about the blood all over our rat cage. I could smell the ever-familiar iron odor as soon as I entered the room. There was (sorry for the graphic description, but I want you to know how bad this was) blood dripping from every bar, nook, cranny, food bowl, even the other rat's tail. Not to mention, Frisky was bloody and there was more blood pouring from her neck. She was on her side barely breathing.

Jade (my daughter) explained that her school teacher had said that it was quite common for rats with abscesses to scratch their wound and bleed to death. Sadly, we were certain this was happening before our eyes. At this point, I felt compelled to just love on the rat.

Ignoring the blood and gore, I wrapped her in an old, very soft receiving blanket and held her for hours as the blood continued to gush. Slight tremors shook her little body. Me and Jade talked a lot about God and how sometimes it was just time for a person or animal to go home to Heaven. (Yes, I'm a believer of animals in Heaven, after all, the Bible refers to that).

We worked hard to keep her comfortable, hoping she could feel our love and concern. I put some generic, topical, antibiotic cream over the still oozing opening. This gaping hole had little pieces of I-don't-even-want-to-know-what dangling within it. It was now after midnight, and I needed to sleep for work and my daughter had school. So we prayed one final time for the rat to go peacefully and then added if God would like to heal her that would be great.

I'm so thankful my daughter understands the concept that God always has the power to heal, however, she understands that there are times, times that we, in our limited human understanding, don't understand why God chooses not to.

We have to cling to the fact God is good. He knows what He is doing. Always. He takes the evil that is done in this world and somehow, someway, uses it to help others. I have to constantly remember we are in a fallen world and things now are far from what our eternal home will be like. As Christians, we can trust that we have eternity to truly live life as God intended from the beginning. Death was not an original part of the package. Adam and Eve changed all that!

Back to our story: After isolating Frisky in a smaller cage with her receiving blanket, some water, and a piece of bannana. We went to sleep. During the night, which I might say was fairly close to sleepless, I kept glancing at the rat cage. I saw Frisky on her side. I assummed she had "gone home."

Are you ready for this? In the morning, all that remained of the bloody mess was a small, sturdy scab, and an alert rodent. Yes, she was up eating, drinking, and being her frisky self. I'm talking this critter was bleeding to death and now as I write this she is scampering around her cage with her cage-partner.

I'm not sure what you call this, but I like to believe that God once again responded to my daughters love and her faith. This is the second time we've had this happen in our home with a pet.

Believe what you will. But I know without a doubt that with God all things, even healing rats, are possible with the all-powerful God we serve.

Please, no matter what's going on in your life, don't stop believing. Don't stop praying. If you are struggling with unbelief or doubts, please visit this very useful website. http://psalm121.ca/versesifeel.html

GOD BLESS YOU ALL!

Please Note: My online drawing for a Karen Kingsbury novel will end next Friday, January 18, 2008. Right now, I have only two people entered. That means the chances are pretty good.

How to enter: Simply send me an email at: carol_vanatta@yahoo.com and share you favorite fiction book title with me. It would be great if you could put "Book Contest" in your subject line. I'll inform the winner via email by Sunday, January 20, 2008.